BOCA INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING COMPANY

Monday, January 16th, 2012, 9:00 p.m.

Reality versus fantasy, now there's an interesting situation. Reality, in my mind anyway, is what the situation really is. Fantasy is what we wish it could be. What prompted these thoughts is a show on Netflix called Saving Grace which I have been watching for quite a while now. I really look forward to it to see what sort of new twists they can add to it to make it different and not the same old story that seems to carry on in other TV shows. Well, in my mind, the combination of a police department's crew of detectives working out murder mysteries, with the police antics, nudity, lovemaking, a nymphomaniac female detective with no conscious and everything else they do, when combined with a last chance angel is quite the byline. Having two brothers with very different groups, one a priest the other a fire department (medic, I think), the female detective is a unique personality. Even God appears in the program as a long-tongued dog....yes, Dog.......get it?....he has matched his role by reversing his name from God to Dog and communicates to this angel through thoughts, not words. In one episode, an Army of Angels was brought into the picture as they hunted down the missing detective. I have to admit, for an actress, Holly Hunter certainly does a great job and there is lots of "blood and guts" for anyone who wants it. The more that this program has been going on, the more that we seemed to be getting closer to the religious side of things and the reason God has selected this particular detective and allowed his top angel to look after her. There are always three or more mysteries going on at the same time which certainly make the show riveting.

As a person interested in film and suspense, this show offers a variety of things down both avenues and since it takes place in a city in Oklahoma, it is certainly a unique show because of the twang of some voices and the western cowboy dress theme that seems to turn up in every show. From a belief in God for those who are into the Bible and all its teachings, it certainly would fill the bill. For me, one who always wants to see the happy side of things, sort of a final happy climax to every show ( and the reason I love to watch Romance Comedies), it makes me smile and laugh. I am comfortable with the nudity which adds a new twist to an old reality that has been appearing in films since the early days, that of boy chases girl, boy catches girl. I also like the creative way the angel appears and disappears at times in a flash of light. As much as some believe in God, I do not share those beliefs although, I would like to. However, my need to be rational in everything I say and do does not allow me to have those personal feelings and no matter what I do, I fight being a follower to be able to control my life so that I know what I am doing all the time. I can still remember back to the days of my church-going years when I sat in the chruch pew saying a prayer and wondering why I did not get the sense that it was real to me. Perhaps it was because of my learning disabilities that I could never really sit down and read the Bible. As much as others had many different ways to each verse, I had problems of a more intense situation, of getting all the words right, nevermind figure out what the sentences meant..

I watch shows like Saving Grace and always wish I could believe but I cannot surrender myself to it. As some might say, perhaps it is God's Wish that I don't understand it. . Who knows? I also write fantasy at times in which beliefs actually do occur but then again, they are all a figment of my imagination, something I have always had which has stood me in good sted over my lifetime. Well, for the most part, anyway. There have been more times than I care to remember in which others have taken advantage of my kindnesses and found myself in situations that were extremely difficult to extract myself from. They too have left their marks and overtime have given me experiences beyond those that most people get to experience in their lifetimes, good, bad, or devastating. Whatever the case, the past is history, I keep very few friends around today and the future will decide for itself how I will be remembered. The longer we live, the greater our successes but also the more times we fail at things. Hopefully, along the way, others will get to know my shortcomings, accept my strength and learn from my life. At the same time, I also hope that my children do better than I have financially. I have found my satisfaction in later years in being creative in art and writing, in being a top researcher and successful family genealogist. It was something I should have started doing much earlier in my life. C'est la Vie.....that's life.

Well, tonight's going to be an early night so that I can try and get myself back on track to handle this diabetes stuff I am now dealing with along with everything else. Life is never easy, is it? Still, with the pills and trying to restrict my food intake, hopefully I will get better in the longrun. My fantasy tonight is that I will sleep for 8 hours, reality is that it will be three hours of sleep, up three hours and down three hours and so on. It has been that way for more years than I care to remember. Hope you are getting a few winks in there too........